考博批改范例： 9b88):[qO
KPW2e2{4@
Keeping Healthy （题目是固定的，不要随便更改，用给出的题目good health） 57 P oJ+
%uA\Le
With the sharply quickening economy(这句话的表达很别扭，不符合语法结构，可以改成with the fast development of economy), both the (这里没有特指，所以删掉定冠词)students and people who has （注意主谓一致，用have）been aready （拼写错误）working for a long time confront much heavier burden than before. Mojority （拼写错误）of them have to keep tightening （这里表示高度集中用keep concentrating）all the time so that they have no time care ( to care) their health. however(注意句首要大写), it is significant to prevent us from illness because a perfect body could be a necessary tool for a successful creer（拼写career）. \l$gcFXb
[3&Y* W
In my veiw（拼写）, much can be done to kee （拼写）fit. on（注意大写） the one hand, when we finish the work, making some practice （做些运动用doing some exercises更好）is a good way to burn the energy（不应该是消耗你的精力，充其量也就是脂肪吧，所以不如直接写keep fit好一点）. We should keep（keep没有花费时间的用法，用spend time in doing） at least half an hour doing some sports. A wonderful body can give us a (精神不可数，所以删掉冠词，不定冠词只用在可数名词单数前面)good spirit. On the other hand, a rational diet is another measure to keep not only healthy but also beautiful. (rDB|kc^7
e;_ cC7
For myself（用宾格形式me）, swimming and running are the main exercese (注意拼写，用复数形式). Usually, I do not eat much high energy food like KFC. In a word, a good health is the most important for every one. #I]5)XT
oz54IO
点评： ;}/@ar7s3
{Ftz4y)6
第一段的内容过多，而且第一段不必要举例说明某个人群需要健康，每人都需要健康。所以第一段你只要叙述健康的重要性就可以了。第二段和第三段的写作内容还是比较成功的，只是里面有好多的语法错误以及马虎造成的拼写错误导致失分严重，今后写作一定要注意。继续努力！ Nw
74T
UM
?{ba9
